Barking up the wrong tree: A book reflection

Barking up the wrong tree
by Eric Barker
C 2017
Harper Collins, USA

The title is indeed catchy and I admit that I was a victim of its meaning. I bought it at Soekarno-Hatta International Airport in Jakarta while waiting for my flight to Pekanbaru on 6 February 2019. It was quite expensive. I was hesitant to read at first because the fonts are so small and gray colored. It was hard to read as it strains the eyes but I read it anyway. One thing that inhibits me from reading is the many stories that prolong the point of the author. I started reading it though on 5 March and finished reading it last 3 April 2019.

The book starts with the question about what really produces success and ends with analogously the same question, What makes a successful life? And still saturated with some thoughts from the book I tried to answer it this way: A successful life has balanced activities, consistent effort to do productive work and wise choices, full of friendship, bonded family. The person could also do what he or she wants most after years of study and numerous prudent choices.

What really produces success? The author suggests, one to know themselves and pick the right pond. This advise creates a clear balance in the individual, to know his inside and his outside. Success comes from knowing within - what is in the mind and in the heart; then, adjusting these self-realities to outside realities by choosing the right environment where the reality of the self will be nourished and grown.

Do nice guys finish last? At this section, the author talks about learning trust from gang members, cooperation among the pirates, and kindness from a serial killer. They seem to serve as a model to those virtues but the real issue that he wants to illustrate is how can we relate with others so that we can be successful in the long run. He suggested 6 rules that can be adopted: 1) Pick the right pond - external influence is a big factor in who a person can be including reaching his goals for himself; 2) Cooperate first - giving favor is not always expensive, it does not always involve money; 3) Being selfless isn't saintly, it's silly - volunteer without getting burned out; a two-hour per week should be enough; 4) Work hard but make sure it gets noticed - it gives direction to the employee and updates the boss, email once a month or weekly; 5) Think long term and make others think long term - think that the other person can be your network and you can encounter him again; 6) Forgive - the most difficult thing for me to do, I think I should make a separate blog on forgiveness as it is very difficult for me to forgive. I can say that I have forgiven but every time I remember it, why is it that there is still that sadness in me? Why is it that I still wish to meet my nemesis - the person who did me wrong? Time and again I always advise myself to forgive and forget the pain.

Do quitters never win and winners never quit? Holding on (sticking out) when achieving success shows that it pays in the end. So I ask myself, Why am I not sticking out with my plan of finishing Ph.D.? Perhaps it is only when I got what I desire that my nightmares will stop, so I have to stick out, continue, and be persistent. This chapter is replete with golden lessons to live by. This chapter reads me as I have so many takeaways to revisit and apply including the ones realized above.

It's not what you know, it's who you know (Unless it really is what you know).  The meat of this chapter can be seen in these words, "...if you are doing awesome work, people more successful than you will notice and want to help you. Talented, resourceful self-starters are rare." Still, in the end, the author recommends the following: a) Know who you are, and most probably you are at a better disposition to choose the right pond; b) In the end, it's all about friendship - not much on networking; c) The most successful are always getting and giving - get advice/ mentoring and give advice, contribute and share what you have learned; d) Your network influences you, like it or not, make sure it is a good one - maintain relations with what you already have and improve.

Believe in yourself...sometimes. at this point he adviced, a) Believing in yourself is nice. Forgiving yourself is better - he then adds a striking point, "Self-compassion beats self-esteem"; b) Adjust for your natural level of self-esteem - a point where he reminds us to stay in touch with the reality of who we are rather than delusionally proud. c) Absolutely have to have confidence? Earn it. Accordingly, he reminds us that "confidence is a result of success" but I have to add that they can both cooperate to arrive at success. d) Don't be a faker - trickery, and flattery is short term and people soon discover who you are so he advises us to present our best self.

Work, work, work, ...or work-life balance? In this seemingly distorted world of the "quick" and the deviant being hailed, there seem to be many disturbances. But he advised us to control our context by rearranging our environment and our workspace. And, to end the day right and on time by focusing on our work for the first two hours and end it by writing the things to be done the following day.

What makes a successful life? Still, he went back to knowing the self by using the terms that he used from the very beginning like being a giver, intensifier, etc. I just found this ending of the book to be lacking in substance and force to keep me inspired and going. It ended up recalling the stories related before and suddenly inserting the word: alignment. Then he continued to tell stories - a technique he justified by concluding that he "just wanted to get to the truth about what research and great stories show really brings success in life". He really left the reader to determine if he is successful in this perspective or not.

Reading the entire book patiently until the end, I would say that I was swayed and inspired towards the middle especially on the advice on being nice to others and on the issue of humility and pride. But the rigor of his words and capacity to inspire to the core of my being gradually lost its strength towards the end as he let the reader let loose and repeat the same vocabulary he struggled to define within the pages of this book. Am I barking at the wrong tree? I guess I am not, as he gave the reader the discretion about how successful his book is and this is just how I bark at it.