My Story of Your Indifference

My Story of Your Indifference

12 December 2006

Tondo

I was awakened by the sound of witches’ ensemble

From the deep silence of slumber

Only to see a parade of images that were used to constitute the land for centuries

And is still used to constitute the destitute in our society

Without concern for them nor the age to let them be awaken

Minutes later and the roaring sound disappears

But the sound goes on further and a band of armies looking at the center stage

Only to see six or seven men hurling over an image from a mid-21st-century device for communication and imagery

You were there you were bare

My heart pounded as it were to wonder why you were still awake

You are now alone right in front of my window

I could see how opportune it is for us to talk

My inquisitive nature gushed forth like the rush of love for philosophy in my youth

So I went out and struggled how could I see you closely

I disguised to have just awakened and still rubbing my eyes

But as soon as I winked you vanished from my sight

Never to see you or your shadow again

My mind decided to stop this insanity

Insanity in the gaze of others but a struggle inside me

How could the collective ever see how precious is this treasure that I hold

That it could liberate many if it is willingly unfold

But time, perhaps time could only become the witness of this struggle

To hold you close, to get you near

But time, yes oh time, I must steal you

I shall end this pessimism and shall live alone, deciding alone without you

I shall learn to forget you, I shall learn to live without thinking of you

Because I never see you involving me in your life

I never see you affected by the futile impulses of my heart and sight

My presence might have scared you, it had perhaps alarmed you

That your promises were inauthentic and I am here to prick them

So that they shall be exposed in the eyes of the collective

And the dark blood of treachery shall flow forth lavishly

To free us both from the temporal bondage of deceit

I am authentic but I cannot feel you are, you seem indifferent

I am willing to give but you seem only to accept without any compliment

My being expects so much such as mere words of concern

My being is waiting for your smile, warm embraces and fiery ignition of lips

I know what makes me happy but I never did seem to get them

I know what makes you happy and I never did fail to give them

Why is this love to temporal in your eyes?

Why this love is so selfishly kept in your being?

Why are you incapable of dialogue, of critique and kind words

Maybe I should end this insanity – in the gaze of the collective

I shall end, for my being perishes in the dark soul of the night

My heart never did see any rain that comes and quenches my thirst

My mind wanders now for something novel, something that, even in concept and in the mind, could liberate me from this bondage of the collective

Maybe I should advance maybe I shall lift my eyes to the lofty promises of my intelligence

I shall see the plight of the less fortunate and those who are yet imprisoned in the iron cage of the collective

The abstract collective embodied by the species, the individuals

For they have a gaze of judgment and impose upon us the gaze of constitution

Are you afraid of these? I know you are but I will never teach you now

For you shall never learn to see the height that I saw

You shall always be tied to the limits of your being for you were so incapable of transcendence and the power to reproduce the power that had constituted you for so long

My final verdict is to forget you and forget even more the expectations that I laid bare in front of you

I shall forget you but I shall never forget the lessons gained from my experience with you

For you embody the body that I wish but the mind and heart that is my ideal is not with you

I treasure the later even more than the former, for we can always commence anew given a powerful mind and heart that drives the body towards reconciliation of the present

Never attempt to dialogue with me again, never be tempted, my soul

Never shall I clarify my thoughts with you because you never did seem to have an ear

You only have palms to receive but never had hands to accept and the heart and mind to comprehend

Never shall I continue this piece for it shall always make my soul thirst for you

And you have always made my soul incomplete

Hence the quest continues but it shall be into something nobler for the collective and for the species – even if the collective had incarcerated us in our temporal existence…

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